Pet Peeves. We all have them, those small annoyances we find in other people that produce a sickening response in our gut or a twinge of frustration in our brow. They remind us that not everyone is as awesome as ourselves, and can make or break friendships and relationships with others. Let's face it, generally, we tend to spend more time around those that rarely commit these infractions and avoid those that constantly violate these oft unspoken rules for behavior we hold toward others.
I have a few smaller ones:
-parking in handicapped spaces when you don't need it or have a permit for it
-popped collars on polo shirts
-starting any sentence with "I don't mean to be rude, but..." (nothing said after is ever polite)
The big one. The one that hits me like a sucker punch and ensures that I'm immediately looking to end the conversation as soon as possible, is frustratingly one that has worked itself into common vernacular.
The use of "I feel" in place of "I think" in statements that are clearly cognitive in nature.
This one is the big one. I encounter it no less than once a week, even more back when I actually sought conversations involving other people's opinions. This single phrase, and the true meaning behind it, is why I no longer have conversations about politics, religion, or any controversial topic requiring logic or reason with people that use it. I may even agree with the statement the person made, but I disagree with the use of this term to express it.
Why does it annoy me so?
The use of feel is an attempt to give greater weight to opinions on subjects where reason can be questioned, thereby giving the user a sense of greater authority. A thought can be challenged, discussed, reasoned, even changed, but a feeling has no logic, being rooted in the essence of the person. Let's look at some examples of this in action.
-I think Intelligent Design is a valid science.
-I feel Intelligent Design is a valid science.
-I think the Ford Mustang is a better car than the Dodge Challenger.
-I feel the Ford Mustang is a better car than the Dodge Challenger.
-I thought I had the right of way at that intersection.
-I felt I had the right of way at that intersection.
After the think statements, did you think there was a discussion to be had, reasoning to follow, and the topic could be engaged? After the feeling statements, did you feel shut out of the conversation, there was nothing to be challenged or discussed further with that person? After which of the two statements for each topic did you think the person would be more open to a different viewpoint?
Which brings me around to the point. The use of feel instead of think indicates the person does not want to have a true discussion, or have their opinions or views open to others to be reflected upon with reason. There is no room for improvement, no admission of potential fallibility. We have become so obsessed with our own opinions being right we have locked out within our own speech the potential for challenge, for growth, and for differing opinions. It is by having our thoughts challenged that we see our errors, our mistakes, and strive for better reasoning, better thoughts, and improvements in ourselves. Sometimes, we are right, and our logic or reasoning holds true. However, if everything is a feeling, our perceptions never change.
There is a place for the use of feel.
-I feel sickened by the disturbing images on the news.
-I feel happy for the flowers I just received.
-I feel worried about the future of human communication.
Just keep the feelings out of reasonable, logical discussion.
Right now some of you are thinking "have I done this lately?" Good. The reason for this article is to challenge the reader to think about what has now become a common usage in communication. Not to mention, it annoys me to no end.
Rant over.
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